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Art Collectibles Reflections by Kathy and Bill Lair

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Politically Incorrect Christmas Dictionary of 2008

December 9th, 2008 · No Comments · Humor

The result of being raised by a word loving father, an impish joker, who was not only the king of his castle but also King of the Pun, was a house full of jousting siblings always attempting to knock his or her opponent to the ground in a fit of laughter. To make the King laugh was the highest reward. My brother Tom & I have kept the tradition alive over the years in our letters, cards, and email. The holidays have always been particulary inspiring to me… even the most obscure of them have often resulted in a long, hopefully amusing, story of one sort or another. So without further explanation, here is Your Long Awaited Politically Incorrect Christmas Dictionary of 2008:

  • Angel: our neighbor, Angel Santiago lives 3 houses down from us
  • Blitzen: how you feel after tee many martoonis
  • Chimney: an Asian taste treat
  • Dash away, dash away, dash away all: encouraging your drunken rowdy friends to leave the party quickly before your parents get home
  • Elves: a 50’s rock ‘n roll singer who sang Jailhouse Rock, Blue Suede Shoes, etc.
  • Frankincense: a unique fragrance worn by Frankenstein
  • Gravy: an unexpected Christmas bonus
  • Holly: the main character in Truman Capote’s Breakfast At Tiffany’s
  • Icicle: cold bicycle seat
  • Jingle Bells: Richard Belzer with a pocketful of change
  • Kringle: a Danish pastry
  • Lords-a-leaping: The Nutcracker, a fairy tale ballet
  • Mistletoe: an overuse injury affecting explosive weapons personnel
  • North Pole: someone living in the most Northern latitudes of Poland
  • Olive, the other reindeer: a mondegreen, not really Rudolph’s friend
  • Poinsettia: the guy in charge of setting the baseball scoreboard
  • Queue: a long line of kids waiting to tell Santa what they want for Christmas
  • Reindeer: a loved one into leather and bondage
  • Sandy Claus: what happens to your cat after visiting the kitty litter
  • Turkey: the guy who cleans up all those dirty dishes
  • Underwear: everyone’s least favorite present; or looking for Uncle Henry who always drinks too much… as in “He’s underwear?”
  • Vixen: a quarrelsome woman
  • Wreath: a circle of dead flowers
  • Xaviar: Santa’s little used middle name
  • Yule Tide: the stuff Yule Gibbons washes his clothes with
  • Zees: what you better catch some of on Christmas Eve or Santa will bring you zilch

Kathy’s words

Bonkers Loved Christmas

Bonkers Loved Christmas

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